This is the second post in our staff writer Maxine Forcey’s blog, Unofficial Lifehacks.
What’s up guys, it’s been quite a while since my first post (that’s an understatement–LOL). But hey, what can I say? We all get swept up in the chaos of life. While I was going ghost from my blog, I was..getting through school, making commitments to things I didn’t have time for, having a great spring and winter break, dancing, and just continuing my journey. But there’s one thing I want to talk about that many people feel uncomfortable bringing up…loneliness.
Yup, I said it. And you know you’ve felt it at some point. I’m on the backend of this self-induced antisocial phase laden with loneliness. We constantly have a million things being hurled at us, new trends to make us look cool, people warning us to get good unpaid internships so we can get a good job when we graduate to pay off our loans, holidays and anniversaries where we’re bound to traditions or disowned,talking about racism every.single.day… etc. It all becomes too much and you start to feel lost.
At least I did, I wasn’t sad; I was blessed I had a great family and boyfriend, a great group of friends, good grades, everything. I just started to feel…alone. Does that make sense to anyone else but me?
Anyways, I’ve learned a few tricks to combat these feelings and hopefully someone out there will benefit from them.
- Don’t be afraid of the empty space. A lot of people are afraid to be alone. We often don’t want to reflect. But, my friends, self-reflection has been one of the best practices I’ve put in place. When you take that alone time to really analyze what you’re doing with your life, the decisions you’ve made, the blessings you’ve received, it starts to put things into new perspective. I’m no therapist, but I can attest that facing your demons (baby demons or demons the size of Rick Ross circa 2013) starts to lift the fog a bit.
- Push yourself to seek new people. The “duh” answer to beating loneliness is usually to spend time with people. But sometimes it’s not that simple. I found that trying new things and spending time with different people is the more appropriate answer. We all love our friends but sometimes a shake up in scenery is refreshing. Sometimes I don’t wanna bash Julie’s outfit, sometime I wanna talk about the choreography I saw in Hosier’s new video or a J.Cole track. I joined a bunch of different organizations and found myself surrounded by inspiring and cool people. You start to make connections and before you know it BAM! You’ve made a new friend. That’s always fun.
- Listen to Stromae. Just kidding…but he’s is really cool and everyone should check him out. I tend to not feel lonely when I put on some sick beats and dance around my room. Sometime it’s Stromae or Son Lux, and sometime it’s Jesus music. I just recommend putting on uplifting music so you won’t feel sad when you’re all alone. 😉
- Listen. I kinda figured out that being lonely becomes a bit selfish. When you think about feelings of loneliness you often complain about nobody understanding you or listening. But once I realized that everyone on the planet feels this way, it became clear what the next step was. Listen to the ones you love, really listen and engage. Engaging in meaningful conversations with people you really care for creates stronger relationships and bonds. And that’s sort of the opposite of loneliness right? Don’t cry alone girl, call up your homie and cry with him about when he got shot last month instead. I guarantee you will connect and shake the lonely disease, and also that person will appreciate you taking the time to care for them.
Image courtesy of wikimedia.org
To make a long story short, it comes down to attitude. Choose to be happy and to love others. Everything else falls into place. We face obstacles and go through phases, but it will be ok. The sun will come out tomorrow. I’m putting bets on that bottom dollar!
Song of the day: “Tired of Being Alone” by Al Green. *snaps*