With this week’s episode, it appears that we’ll be taking a bit of a detour from Guillermo’s ongoing predicament in favor of further exploring our favorite energy-draining vampire, Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch). And wow, “Colin’s Promotion” very much came to play.
Catch up with “What We Do in the Shadows” season two with recaps of episodes one, two, three and four. Just a forewarning that everything from here on out is loaded with *SPOILERS*, so read at your own risk!
“Colin’s Promotion” (dir. Jemaine Clement )
We start with Colin Robinson performing his usual draining duties in actively annoying his office coworkers, producing sparse coughs by a filing cabinet this time. Colin, despite having no idea what the company he works for even does, gets called into the head office and receives a lead promotion. And he is none too thrilled, if only because it means it’ll detract from his roomie time with Nandor (Kayvan Novak), Laszlo (Matt Berry) and Nadja (Natasia Demetriou).
In the midst of the trio rotating the art deco around the house, Colin drops the big news only to have them frustratingly tell him to leave them be. Nandor even gives him back a portrait he made of all four of them together, making Colin feel even lonelier. It can be difficult, based on his simple, monotone speech pattern, to pinpoint whether Colin is being genuine or constantly draining them. And it appears that he truly loves his roomies, but much like them, he has to use his abilities in order to survive. It’s a new side of Colin I’m glad we’re finally getting a glimpse of.
It’s Colin’s first day as the big boss, and his first duty is to give a routine presentation. When the projector glitches, he makes a small little quip that makes everyone laugh. The energy from that joke alone, tying back to his experimentation with humor in “Ghosts,” gives Colin so much confidence that he’s able to literally conduct their laughs like a composer would an orchestra. And then, in the first instance of his newfound abilities, an excited Colin flattens a metal garbage can in the bathroom like a soda can. It comes as a shock considering Colin hadn’t really shown any actual super strength. Now, instead of going to his coworkers for sustenance, Colin has them come straight to him, “drain on demand” as he calls it. He’s clearly starting to get a little drunk on his power.
Upon his arrival home, Nadja inquires how Colin’s first day as the big boss went, to which Colin, shockingly, responds with “like you give a s***,” much to everyone’s dismay. I can confirm that my mouth too was on the floor as I never thought I would see a sassy, straight-to-the-point Colin. He even seems to move a painting without touching it. If that weren’t crazy enough, it turns out that the war general displayed in said painting, depicting a cruel army torching Nadja’s once-beautiful village ages ago, is none other than Nandor the Relentless himself. He just happened to be drunk at the time so, in reference to last week, “oops.” I’ll take any chance I can get to see Natasia Demetriou work her magic by exquisitely eviscerating her aloof roommates with the best ‘pissed the f*** off’ disposition currently on television. Forget being drunk on power; Colin, hunkered down in his room, practically orgasms on Nadja’s boiling temperament.
Having conjured an amazing yet off-putting slicked back head of hair, the new Colin earns the title of the most dangerous vampire the show has depicted thus far. Not only is he super strong, but he can also drain an entire person’s energy at the point of a finger, revive and kill plant life, and use telekinesis to throw his employees across cubicles. Colin’s an all-out unstoppable monster, and he hasn’t even finished obtaining rapidly evolving powers. “Colin’s Promotion,” from start to finish, is a consistently jaw-dropping display of ‘wait, he can do what now?!’ Having been previously utilized as a background character, you can tell that Mark Proksch is having so much fun letting loose at the forefront this time, all while retaining Colin’s signature deadpan delivery.
Back at the house, Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) facilitates a group therapy session to see if Nadja and Nandor can come to some sort of peaceful arrangement, further proving that, in addition to the vampire slaying, he’s a braver man than I’ll ever be. He wisely points out that this whole incident started because Colin is inadvertently making the trio turn against one another for his own nourishment. Oh, and Colin can fly now. Great.
With Colin in supreme mega drain mode, Nandor, Nadja, Laszlo and Guillermo lie listless in the living room with barely any strength to move their mouths, let alone continue bickering. Nadja hobbles into his room and witnesses an unnerving sight: Colin shaving his literal massive, bulbous egghead. I’m still shivering just thinking about it. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen her this frightened, even though she nearly evaded a death sentence last season. She barely escapes his grasp, retreating back to the living room where it appears that Colin’s mega drain has not only depleted everyone’s vitality but has also aged them significantly, frayed white hair, wrinkles and all. Even Guillermo is on the verge of spilling the beans about his secret nighttime activities.
And just when you thought Colin couldn’t get any more powerful, he has to go and multiply himself, because why not. But as fate would have it, even the all-powerful Colin Robinson can’t help but fatally bore his other halves to death. The trio, having recovered some of their luster back, delicately dispose of all three bodies in the backyard. After Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo deliver a tender eulogy, the true Colin miraculously wakes up now that he realizes how much his roomies really did care about him.
Colin decides to take a regular office position at another firm, having left his previous office in a state of financial ruin. In typical Colin fashion, he just occupies an empty cubicle without even applying for the job. He may be back to his normal routine, but those enhancements are still in there somewhere. It’s only a matter of time until Colin Robinson unleashes his powers whenever he feels the need to.
Surprising at nearly every corner, “Colin’s Promotion” is an exceptionally hilarious exploration of Colin’s terrifying true potential. One of the best episodes of the series thus far, without a doubt; there was never a dull moment. I will never underestimate Colin Robinson ever again.
- “Coworkers die. Vampire roommates, they’re forever.”
- “Ah! That’s my first ship. It was a piece of s***!” might be the biggest laugh I’ve gotten from Laszlo.
- “Get your hand off my wife’s ample but firm backside.”
- You have a few drinks, and suddenly your army of 200 drunken men are burning down a beautiful, prosperous village. Happens to the best of us, Nandor.
- I have to wonder how old Colin really is considering he came with the house long before Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo even moved in.
- “Camera Two, come over here and put your neck in my mouth.” These documentarians must have this show lined up for a distributor that pays good money.
You can catch “What We Do in the Shadows” on Wednesday nights at 10/9c on FX. And you’ll find weekly recaps right here on Shuffle Online following each episode. Until then bloodsuckers, sleep tight in your musty coffins, and cross your fingers Guillermo isn’t waiting outside with a freshly carved stake.
Matt graduated from Keene State College in 2017 with a Bachelor’s in Critical Film Studies. A few of his favorite films include “2001: A Space Odyssey,” “Army of Darkness,” “Before Sunrise” and “Certain Women.” Having already contributed to Bloody Disgusting, ELF Magazine and The Simple Cinephile, Matt aspires to expand and continue writing with various outlets. If there’s any chance to talk about horror films and/or Twin Peaks, he’ll very much jump at the opportunity.