If there’s one thing that “What We Do in the Shadows” does spectacularly, it’s introducing famous mythological beings within this world. This season saw the introduction of zombies, ghosts and trolls. It’s about time witches get involved in the fun.
Just a forewarning that everything from here on out is loaded with *SPOILERS*, so read at your own risk! Catch up with all “What We Do in the Shadows” season two with recaps here.
“Witches” (dir. Kyle Newacheck)
Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) directs Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) to fetch Laszlo (Matt Berry) for a house meeting, all to the familiar’s dismissal. Since last episode’s reunion, Nandor (Kayvan Novak) has come to an agreement with the affable Guillermo regarding his employee benefits. One day off per week and a 15-minute break every four hours is more than fair for all he does, especially body disposal duty. Guillermo has always been smarter than the house gives him credit for. Instead of wrapping a bunch of Tide pens together, he merges all of the liquid to present his very own line of Heavy Duty Blood Remover. He’d be raking in millions with his pitch if there were a vampiric “Shark Tank.”
Out in the garden, Laszlo engages in one of the most monstrous things he’s ever done: picking shiny red apples off his tree and then disposing of them on the ground. A black goat suddenly appears and hurls him up into the night sky in preparation for “the ceremony.” A worried Nadja immediately suspects that this is the work of witches. They tend to be her scapegoat for just about everything, whether it be tripping on the carpet or a light bulb going out. It doesn’t take long before the goat hauls Nandor away too.
Guillermo drives Nadja and Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) into Brooklyn, following the broomstick riders as they drag the kidnapped Nandor and Laszlo to their secret meeting spot. The plan to send Guillermo into the store as a human distraction proves to be unsuccessful, as Colin and Nadja are hauled away by that sneaky, sneaky goat. In this case, it proves that Nadja is right about the witches. Witches!
Nandor and Laszlo find themselves trapped in the witches’ den at the hands of coven leader Lilith (Lucy Punch). They make toothless “set us free or you will be destroyed” threats only to receive a collective group laughter at just how screwed they are. Meanwhile, Guillermo, Nadja and Colin Robinson are stowed away in a room with infinite doors that lead to infinite destinations, one of which is a shrieking, whooshing fire portal to hell. Huh. And we also can’t forget the creepy grandma-looking thing who contorts her body to walk around on all fours like a spider.
Thanks to Guillermo’s ingenuity, as always, Nadja and Colin Robinson escape the purgatory room and make it just in time to stop the ceremony. And it isn’t quite the ritual they were expecting. It turns out that Lilith and her coven plan to extract Nandor and Laszlo’s homemade Go-Gurt with 18th century surgical tools (that’s gonna be a yikes from me) to maintain their beautiful, youthful dispositions. Even Colin Robinson manages to get strapped in alongside the boys.
Nadja divulges that she and Lilith have a history together, friends turned sworn enemies for all of eternity. What prompted such a drastic change? Lilith had a brief affair with Laszlo, disguising herself as his wife. I totally see where Nadja is coming from; Lilith looks very little like her. Laszlo is just that airheaded to fall for that one. He’ll apparently sleep with anyone that has the same long, dark hair as she does, including a few of the other witches and even Nandor, effectively launching the birth of so many fan fictions. What I find really inspiring about this revelation is how simply this detail is unraveled. Two main characters are both confirmed to have slept with one another and it’s presented very matter-of-fact rather than the kickstarter to a whole new subplot and/or love triangle. You love to see it.
Before the painful extraction gets underway, the resourceful, confident Guillermo steps in to offer the witches a new deal that doesn’t involve the genital mutilation of his friends. For 3% of the net profit, he’ll offer Nandor and Laszlo’s willingly given penis grigio. Colin Robinson is left out to dry once again.
As Guillermo makes his delivery, he briefly chats with the goat Black Peter about doing the grunt work with no promotion in sight. Even though Nandor improved his familiar’s concessions, it appears there’s a part of Gizmo that’s still questioning whether the wait is still worth it. And just to cap things off, Laszlo and Nandor decide to have one round of fun for old times’ sake.
“Witches” is yet another hilarious entry within an already spectacular sophomore season. “What We Do in the Shadows” has proved time and time again that you could plop these characters into almost any bizarre, outlandish scenario and they will find a way to wring so many gut-busting laughs out of it. Here’s to the finale, which is sure to shock and awe!
Bloody Notations
Yelling “Witches!” everytime something happens of my volition will most likely become my new routine.
Between Colin and Guillermo, I live for Nadja’s shock when a doormat character snaps back at her.
“Hey, there is a goat over here! Hello, Mr. Goat.” – There is so much childish energy within Nandor. I love it.
Someone could make an awesome micro-budget horror thriller with the contents of that purgatorial escape room.
Nandor’s a MILF guy.
Season 2, Episode 10 Teaser:
You can catch “What We Do in the Shadows” on Wednesday nights at 10/9c on FX. And you’ll find weekly recaps right here on Shuffle Online following each episode. Until then bloodsuckers, sleep tight in your musty coffins, and cross your fingers Guillermo isn’t waiting outside with a freshly carved stake.
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Featured image credit: FX Networks
Matt graduated from Keene State College in 2017 with a Bachelor’s in Critical Film Studies. A few of his favorite films include “2001: A Space Odyssey,” “Army of Darkness,” “Before Sunrise” and “Certain Women.” Having already contributed to Bloody Disgusting, ELF Magazine and The Simple Cinephile, Matt aspires to expand and continue writing with various outlets. If there’s any chance to talk about horror films and/or Twin Peaks, he’ll very much jump at the opportunity.