Quick and Dirty Plot:
In Winterfell, that bitch Theon (Alfie Allen) has all of the ravens killed so that Robb (Richard Madden) does not learn that Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright) and that other Stark kid have been killed. THEN, he declares himself the “Prince” of Winterfell. Um. No thanks. His sister, Yara (Gemma Whelan), shows up and says, “Yo, bro, why don’t you come home.” And Theon is all like, “Nah. I’m going to stay here because of my ego.” These are direct quotes. Soon, we learn that Bran and what’s-his-face are both alive, hiding in the crypts beneath Winterfell. Those bodies? The sons of a local farmer. Sad.
Robb comes back with medical supplies with Talisa (Oona Chaplin) to find that Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) has escaped. Catelyn (Michelle Fairley) then tells him, “Well… Escape? More like I let Brienne of Tarth (Gwendoline Christie) take him back to King’s Landing so we can get your sisters back and leave you with no leverage.” Again, a direct quote. Robb is pissed and has his mother placed under arrest, basically. Robb allows Roose Bolton (Michael McElhatton) to send troops to Winterfell, telling them to show mercy on Theon’s men in hopes they’ll turn on him. Talisa goes to visit Robb, who confides that he likes her and doesn’t want to marry one of Mr. Filch’s daughters and the two then have sex. Why?!
Beyond the Wall, Jon (Kit Harington) has been captured by the wildlings. Ygritte (Rose Leslie) convinces them to spare Jon since their leader may want to meet him. Another captured ranger, Qhorin (Simon Armstrong), tells Jon that he must defect to the wildlings in order to learn what’s going on. Sam (John Bradley) and other Night’s Watchmen find an old ranger’s cloak and some dragonglass weapons. Foreshadowing!
At King’s Landing, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) works on war planning while he is being accused of trying to kill Joffrey (Jack Gleeson). Cersei (Lena Headey) says that she has Tyrion’s girlfriend, but it’s just one of the ladies who works for Littlefinger (Aiden Gillen). Varys (Conleth Hill) informs Tyrion that Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is alive and has three dragons. Daenerys, in Qarth, decides she needs to go to the “House of the Undying” to save her dragons. Jorah (Iain Glen) tries to talk her out of it, but she’s like, “Nah, dude. I gotta go save my dragon babies.” (I am really killing it with these direct quotes.)
Tywin (Charles Dance) departs Harrenhal before Ayra (Maisie Williams) can put a hit out on him. Instead, she tasks Jaqen (Tom Wlaschiha) with helping her escape, which he does. So, she, Gendry (Joe Dempsie) and their pal Hot Pie (Ben Hawkey) head North for the Wall. On their way to King’s Landing, Stannis (Stephan Dillane) and Davos (Liam Cunningham) reminisce about Robert’s uprising. Stannis then promises to make Davos his Hand once he’s king.
Well, that was not a quick plot. I think the problem is that there is way too much happening. There are seven settings in this episode alone. I know that we are gearing up for the climax and then end of the season, but everything is starting to feel very convoluted since there is so much going on.
I am glad to see Arya out of Harrenhal. She has been hanging out there for too long, just ordering hits on people. The first season kind of sets up Arya as a future, great warrior. She was learning sword-fighting. She was roughing it with the boys. But then she was just kind of hanging out for a few episodes, relying on Jaqen to do her dirty work. I don’t know much of Arya’s storyline outside of what happens in the final season. So, I’ll be interested/dreading to see what Ayra gets herself into.
I also want to see what happens in the “House of the Undying.” Like, what is it exactly? Is it a place full of magic? Are there zombies? White walkers?! Again, I know Daenerys gets her dragons back, but how that occurs is the question. I don’t like Qarth. It’s a shady as hell place. I’ll be interested in seeing her leave there. Also, outside of Varys and Tyrion, who else knows that Daenerys is alive? What is that going to do to the current war in Westeros? So many questions, folks!
I wonder how the wildlings are going to play into this whole thing. Do they help the Night’s Watch? Will Jon betray the Night’s Watch? Obviously, Jon and Ygritte are going to have something. They have to! There’s too much chemistry. I mean, Kit Harington and Rose Leslie met on the show, and now they’re married. I just want more Ygritte too. She’s a badass and she’s super smart. I like the great female characters. I just wish we had more time with them — and that they wouldn’t have to be reduced so often for the men.
Alright, now, here is the thing I really want to talk about: Theon. He is terrible! Terrible. We already know I am mad he betrayed Robb. We already know I am mad he killed Rodrik. Now, here he is, trying to maintain control in Winterfell because of his fragile, toxic male ego. His men don’t respect him. He is weak. I mean, Ned, in the first episode of the show, beheaded someone in one fell swoop! Theon had to CHOP at Rodrik’s NECK because this is the first time in his life he’s had to do anything. When Theon was first introduced, I thought he was a Stark. And I thought to myself, “Wow. This Stark sucks hardcore.”
Theon was super entitled but now is crying about how he was a prisoner in Winterfell. Um, dude, the Starks treated you like family. That’s more than Jon Snow got! And he’s Ned’s bastard son. Seeing him flail is kind of nice, but other people are paying for his stupidity. I mean, he tried to kill Bran and the other one. And because he failed to find them, he straight up killed an entire family and burned two small children. He is a monster. I want to know who kills him and when. I will rejoice. I thought I wanted to see Joffrey die — I mean, I do — but Theon is my number one enemy right now. UGH! I hate him.
So, I’m interested to see what happens next episode since there are troops heading toward Theon. Will they kill him? Or, at the very least, maim him?
- Theon? The Prince of Winterfell? Dumb bitch.
- Greyjoys helped the Lannisters? I HATE YOU, THEON.
- Peter Dinklage is hilarious.
- The holidays must be awful at the Lannisters’ house.
- More sex scenes. Ugh.
- Damn. Arya has a BODY COUNT.
- “Imagine Stannis’s terror.” “I’m trying.” LOL
- We’re how long into the episode and now we’re getting some Daenerys.
- Jorah is hella ride-or-die.
- I hate Theon.
“Game of Thrones” is available to watch on HBO and HBO Max.
Feature image credit: HBO
Morgan Roberts (she/her) was by films and television. She spent many nights watching “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” or whatever the family rented from Blockbluster. Morgan is particularly interested in cinematography, supporting female filmmakers and “Fleabag.” Outside of a deep love of film, Morgan is passionate about mental health advocacy, gender equality and true crime podcasts. Morgan also contributes to In Their Own League.